Usually I let Ed regale his readers with his Wal-mart (or Walmart as it is now written...what happened to the poor hyphen?)but tonight, I actually have one that still has me chuckling 3 hours later.
Upon exiting the chosen restaurant for tonight's meal, I decided to forgo Target and instead, selected Walmart to purchase some travel sized items for my upcoming trip. In the past, the few times we've been to this Walmart was on a Sunday morning, shortly after they open so the clientele was few and definitely not as fun as tonight's batch. I didn't really notice until midway through shopping (because even though you only need travel size toiletries, you still have to walk around the perimeter of the place to check out the goods in case you see something you didn't know you needed) that we were in the midst of what I consider to be the quintessential Walmart crowd - the older, slower moving folks. After paying and grabbing the few bags we had to leave the cart in the store, a lady - who I would also classify as the quintessential Walmart shopper from her 70's haircut and smoker-like pallor - walks up to us and asks Big A (the driver of the cart) if this was a good cart. By "good" I'm assuming she was hoping it didn't have a squirrely wheel. He said it was. She then proceeded to whip out a disinfectant wipe and ask "You didn't cough on this, didya?" My friends and I recently had a discussion on when the chat term "WTF" should be properly used and I believe this would be one of them...WTF?!? Your teeth are rotting out of your head but you're scared of prospective germs on the handle of a Walmart cart?!?
Yes, as we were leaving, I did not-so-secretly wish I had hacked all over it but then I saw the incoming Walmart shoppers. I thought this was the "nicer" Walmart but I guess only on Sunday mornings when all of these people who were now entering were still smashed from their wild Saturday nights of drinking Wild Turkey and sniffing rubber cement (or being so drunk that rubber cement "boogers" were still funny...oh to be in elementary school again). It was like the walking dead. I never felt so clean, smart, and hip in my life. Forget Target. I'm going to Walmart more!
5 comments:
No more hyphen? Seriously? How did I miss this tidbit? Oh right, they probably didn't show it on ESPN.
And I just got made fun of tonight for having two things of hand sanitizer in my Jeep.
You didn't get one of those game boys, stuffed with rocks and a Chinese newspaper did you? It was in yahoo news yesterday and I meant to go back and send the url to Ed for his files...
I never thought about using Walmart as a self-esteem booster.
So that means I have to start referring to it as Chinamart instead of China-Mart?
You definitely pointed out the one positive to going to Chinamart. It certainly is a boost to the old ego. The other big positive is that it is a good place to shop window shop for sweatpants and pajama bottoms because most people shopping there seem to wear them to the store.
I refer to old smoking ladyies like what you described as "saddlebags with eyes".
Bone - Don't feel bad. I watch a few more channels than you but I didn't notice it until I read about it recently.
Sage - I can't see you needing any boost to that self-esteem of yours but should you need one, just wear light blue.
Ed - Ah yes...the pajama bottoms in public. I need to try that sometime.
I read it on someone's blog several months ago is the only reason I knew. If it weren't for blogs...
That was seriously a WTF?!? moment.
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