More than just a freckle

The removal of the freckle yesterday has made me realize something. When I got married, I didn't want to be one of those wives that did everything with their husband and upon their death, was completely lost or didn't know how to handle finances or upkeep on the house, etc. At the time of my dad's death, my mother was doing the bill paying but I saw how she was when it came down to water leaking into the house from an ice jam in the gutter 3 months later. She was just beside herself until we got up there to chip away some of the ice. I don't think my dad would have done anything different but I think this event made her realize that for all intents and purposes after 30+ years of marriage, she was alone and now on her own. Tough guy/grumpy old curmudgeon Don Cherry, the host of Hockey Night in Canada, said a few years ago when his wife died that he wished that he hadn't done everything with her because it made doing things after her death nearly unbearable. A few months ago, someone that I use to work for lost her husband and I remember them as being inseparable. During emails back and forth after he died, I mentioned the Don Cherry comment and she said that even though it's now tough, she wouldn't change not doing everything with her husband when he was around to prevent what she was going through.

Over the past 4.5 years, I have sort of evolved from that hard core "I need to learn how to do this and be independent" to "I hope Big A will do this" or just choosing to do things with him most of the time rather than a girlfriend other than the odd chick flick. He's the only one I know that I don't really get tired of being around. Sure there's the occasional off days (i.e. "Leave me alone and let me read") but those are few and far between.

I was reminded of this last night when he had to help me change the bandage on my open wound where there was once a freckle. It's on my back so I can't reach it and it got me thinking what I would have had to do if he wasn't around. Hooch doesn't have thumbs so he would be of no help. I could ask a female neighbor, I guess but it needs to be changed twice a day for the next week and I see very few lights on at 5:30 a.m. I suppose I could bring in the band-aids and bacitracin to work to have a friend/coworker help me. All of the possible options I could come up with just seemed rather lonely compared to the option I have now. This seeming dependence on Big A is a scary thought when I think about it but I just have to remind myself that hopefully this will be many years ahead, enjoy everything now and, as it always happens and as I have learned before Big A and I really got involved, I will find a way to put that band-aid on my back.