2. Await the 12th birthday of the youngest son.
(I didn't say that this guide was for quick tree removal.)
3. Once 12 and 14, using verbal and emotional abuse, make them climb the tree to begin limb removal.
(I didn't say that this guide would be pretty either.)
4. Once said boys are taller than you are and can now stand up for themselves, proceed to wait a few years before continuing.
5. Once tired of waiting, proceed to climb the tree yourself to saw off anything that is within reach.
6. Once all reachable limbs are removed, wait another few years to figure out Plan B.
7. Plan B: hire some homeless black men from who knows where who will climb trees for your meager pay.
8. After the job is complete, come over to neighbor's yard to pound out the dents in their metal shed where said tree limb removal novices lost control.
9. The following year, begin to saw off the trunk of the tree which still stands over 6 feet inch by inch so that the city's yard waste guys will take it.
10. Once tired of the sawing inch by inch, proceed to dig around the tree at perfect right angles to air out the roots and kill it from the bottom up as shown below in Figures 1, 2, and 3. This will take awhile but at least it's free.
12 comments:
Gosh, makes me miss the old days when you simply started a fire on top of the stump and burned it out with marshmellows to make smores.
I've never heard of such a thing.
MMMMMM, s'mores. Thanks, Ed. No really.
OK, so if someone is that anal about his lawn Murf, HOW can he handle looking at his tree like that?!?! I don't get it. They seem counterintuitive.
Good point,chica. Also, his house seriously needs some new siding. I never understood how he can be anal about the lawn or washing his boat and vehicles while other things are lacking.
Also, I hear Ed confessed to you on how he found out your name. I couldn't get him to crack on where he found this particular entry so your secret is still safe with me....although I do plan on getting Ed drunk when I see him. Buhahahahaha....
I think you mean my secret is still safe FROM you :)
Trust me: anything you'd find would be boring. I really have googled myself, and nothing that comes up is actually about me. If I'm so boring I don't even come up in google, well, why waste your time?
I gave it a valiant effort but other than spending time reading all of your archives like Ed would do which is impossible for a Gemini with a short attention span like myself who is purely a skimmer (and why I dig writing manuals), I'm fine with not having found it but then again, if I emailed you and asked, you'd probably tell but that just seems like a really odd thing to do.
Murf - I guess you haven't heard about the old school method my grandfather used to take with diesel fuel, fertilizer and the tube from a tire. I can still remember the mushroom cloud of dirt, smoke and splinters of wood.
You better hurry about getting me drunk to spill that secret. I have a tendency to forget names that I don't use very often. I've forgotten yours a time or two already.
TC - I must be as dull as you because I don't have anything that I've been able to google myself about either. I do have a few pictures posted here and there by other people but nothing with my name attached so it can't be googled. I like it that way.
Ed - It doesn't matter about my name. You'll always refer to me as Murf as I will call you Ed even in person.
When Googling myself, I'm also a lawyer in Texas which might come in handy one day. There's a bit more info out there on the me that was pre-marriage.
I've been stuck on number one for quite a few years now.
Bone - GET RID OF THE BOXERS. I'm just sayin'. Or at least update your profile picture so they aren't showing. ;-) Um...should I admit to having looked that closely?!?
MY BOXERS ARE SHOWING!??!?!
Why hasn't anyone told me? Well I hope you've all enjoyed the peepshow! Because it's all over as soon as I upload a new photo. (Which will likely take between one and six weeks.)
I could only think of Seinfeld (not surprisingly):
"I'm not sure--and correct me if I'm wrong--but I think I see.... a nipple!"
All the girls are going to hate me now for pointing it out.
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